Supporting a loved one who is struggling with their mental health can be both challenging and deeply meaningful. It’s not always easy to know what to say or do, especially when you want to help but fear saying the wrong thing. However, your willingness to show up and offer compassion can make a world of difference.
In the U.S., mental health challenges are more common than many realize. Approximately one in five adults experiences a mental health condition each year, yet the stigma surrounding mental health often keeps people from seeking help. For those in the military community, the challenges can be even more pronounced. Veterans and service members face unique pressures, with suicide rates among veterans being significantly higher than in the general population.
With that in mind, learning how to effectively support a loved one struggling with mental health is essential. Here’s a guide to recognizing the signs, offering meaningful support, and equipping yourself with the tools to make a positive impact.
Recognizing the Signs
Mental health challenges can manifest in many ways, and they’re not always obvious. Here are some common signs to look out for:
- Withdrawal from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed.
- Changes in mood, such as persistent sadness, irritability, or anxiety.
- Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or completing tasks.
- Changes in sleep patterns, such as insomnia or sleeping too much.
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or excessive guilt.
- Changes in appetite or weight.
- Engaging in risky behaviors or substance use as a coping mechanism.
- Talking about wanting to escape, feeling like a burden, or even mentioning thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience with mental health is unique. Some people may show multiple signs, while others might only exhibit one or two. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s worth checking in.
The Army’s Suicide Prevention Program: ACE
For those connected to the military community, the Army’s Suicide Prevention Program offers a powerful tool called the ACE acronym: Ask, Care, Escort. This simple yet effective approach can be used to help anyone who may be experiencing a mental health crisis.
- Ask: Directly ask your loved one how they’re feeling. Don’t shy away from difficult questions, such as, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” Asking directly shows that you care and are open to hearing their truth.
- Care: Show empathy and listen without judgment. Let them know you’re there for them and that their feelings are valid. Avoid trying to "fix" them or dismissing their struggles.
- Escort: If your loved one is in immediate danger, don’t leave them alone. Escort them to a mental health professional, crisis hotline, or emergency services.
This method emphasizes connection and action, ensuring that individuals receive the support they need without being left to navigate their struggles alone.
The Dos and Don’ts of Supporting a Loved One
When it comes to offering support, there are certain approaches that can make a big difference—and others that might unintentionally cause harm.
Dos:
- Listen Actively: Give your full attention, maintain eye contact, and acknowledge their feelings. Sometimes, people just need to be heard.
- Validate Their Emotions: Instead of saying “Don’t feel that way,” try saying, “I understand why you might feel that way.” Validation helps them feel seen and supported.
- Encourage Professional Help: Suggest therapy, counseling, or support groups, but do so gently. Let them know it’s okay to seek help and that it’s a sign of strength.
- Check In Regularly: Even if they don’t seem ready to talk, let them know you’re there. A simple “How are you feeling today?” can mean a lot.
- Educate Yourself: Learn about their mental health condition so you can better understand what they’re going through and how to support them.
Don’ts:
- Don’t Minimize Their Struggles: Avoid saying things like, “It’s not that bad” or “Just snap out of it.” These comments can feel dismissive.
- Don’t Give Unsolicited Advice: Instead of offering solutions, focus on listening and supporting their choices.
- Don’t Pressure Them: Recovery takes time, and pushing them to “get better” quickly can add unnecessary stress.
- Don’t Take It Personally: If they seem distant or irritable, remember it’s not about you—it’s about what they’re going through.
- Don’t Ignore Warning Signs: If they mention self-harm or suicide, take it seriously and act immediately.
Building a Mental Health Support Toolkit
Supporting a loved one isn’t always easy, but having a toolkit of resources and strategies can help:
- Emergency Numbers: Save crisis hotline numbers in your phone. For example, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be reached by dialing 988 in the U.S.
- Mental Health Apps: Encourage them to try apps like Calm, Headspace, or BetterHelp, which provide mindfulness tools and access to therapy.
- Therapy Referrals: Research local therapists or online counseling options so you can share them if they’re ready to seek help.
- Self-Care Plans: Help them create a plan to prioritize self-care, such as exercise, journaling, or spending time in nature.
- Support Groups: Suggest peer support groups where they can connect with others facing similar challenges.
The Power of Compassion
At the heart of supporting someone with mental health struggles is compassion. It’s about being present, offering patience, and showing them they’re not alone.
I know this firsthand. As someone who has faced my own mental health battles, I’ve experienced the power of a kind word, a listening ear, and someone simply being there. Your support can be life-changing—not because you have all the answers, but because you’re willing to walk alongside them on their journey.
If you have a loved one struggling with their mental health, remember: you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present. Sometimes, the most meaningful thing you can do is simply show that you care.